As Wise As Solomon

“The failed solution offered by a vast array of books written to women is to caution a wife to be very careful about asking questions of her husband. Her questions convey disrespect to him and no man wants to be disrespected.” Joel & Kathy Davisson

I recently read a Twitter remark by someone that was along the lines of marriage and men: What He Wish You Knew -- It really bothers him when you question him and argue all the time, talk don't confront!

I almost spit out the sip of coffee I’d just taken! This is one of the most childish and enabling comments I’ve ever read on the subject and the thing is, just a couple of years ago I would have adhered to it. Listen up guys and gals…this is not biblical! This is ego-lical!

Take a look at King Solomon’s interaction with the Queen of Sheba – the ultimate Q & A:

Now when the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of
Solomon concerning the name of the Lord, she
came to test him with hard questions.

She came to Jerusalem with a very great
retinue, with camels that bore spices,
very much gold, and precious stones;
…and when she came to Solomon, she spoke
with him about all that was in her heart.

So Solomon answered all her questions;
there was nothing so difficult for the king that he
could not explain it to her.

How did the queen respond to Solomon in this? Not by arguing with him, I can tell you that! No….she responded with praise and gifts the like of which have never been seen since! And not because he “needed” it either ~ it was a genuinely organic response from her because he made her a priority, listened to her and patiently answered her questions. And then, Solomon gave gifts back to her:

“…all she desired, whatever she
asked, besides what Solomon had given
her according to the royal generosity.”

There’s a beautiful pattern here. A wife comes to her husband with questions. He listens to her heart and answers ALL of her questions. Now he’s earned his wife’s respect and she gives him everything.

In a nutshell: a real man earns his wife’s respect because he loves her so much. He becomes more like Christ every day. This is real living. This is real manhood. A woman cannot help but to admire and respect this man. No one has to tell her to.


  1. I love this post. Sometimes Christians pervert the idea of being 'slow to anger' and 'turning the other cheek' to mean that we should tolerate other people's junk. Jesus demonstrates the exact opposite. He is very confrontational when there is injustice, or when he is questioning or examining the true nature of someone's heart.

    Sometimes we need to do examination in our marriage, and often it is confrontational (especially if there has been injustice). We need to worry less about being nice and focus more on being honest and real. Sometimes we should be angry and sometimes we need to confront. Both are ok.

    Nicole http://nicolenwick.wordpress.com

  2. The importance of a husband listening to a wife is based in the heart of God. One of the best ways to get to the very heart of an issue is to ask a question.

    Looking throughout Scripture we know God wants His bride to ask of Him and bring every question and care. God asks every human heart at some point in their lives...no matter how it may come, what each person will do with eternity.(?)

    Remember God asks us very penetrating questions also. Jesus asked Peter the most profound question ever recorded...and asks this same question of every human being..."Who do you say that I am?" Are you to say to God...you are "bothering" me with your incessant questions? John the Baptist asked Christ..."Are YOU the one?" This answer to his fearful heart, at his moment of death kept him grounded in the truth that the Kingdom had gloriously come. This great man of God faced being beheaded with knowing he met God face to face.

    God Himself birthed in man the gift of wondering. God tells us that He loves our questions and that He will show us mysteries and secrets...this kind of deep relationship only comes by asking...a desire to know....a longing to have the right answer. To hunger and thirst for God.

    Job, was questioned by God in his darkest hour. Jesus' disciples constantly asked Jesus questions about His kingdom. It is in His own nature. "Who is like unto our God?" "Who can compare to Him?" These are questions that comfort us and bolster our very faith.

    To say a wife is "bothering" her husband just because she needs or wants an answer to something is in reality disregarding her and saying that you are disinterested in her heart.

    Questions to a husband are in reality the heart of his wife reaching out to connect. To be reassured that she matters. Much in the same way as Christ's Bride we reach out to God to connect and at times want His strength and comfort. We desire to know if our souls are well and in intimacy with Him.

    All from a question....the right answer or response can change a life. Asking the right question can as equally open up in us a profound knowing something that we could not know any other way.

    Often in life it is not the answer we are looking for it is that we are heard. In the vast unknowing someone is listening.....

  3. I think it depends on how she asks the questions and what she's asking. If he's a loving monogamous man, and she's the jealous type, giving him the third degree, then it could convey disrespect. On the other hand, Paul exhorted women to ask their husbands questions at home. So some questions are good to ask, and others aren't so good depending on how they are asked.

    There are women (and men) who are jealous without a good cause. There are women who don't love their husbands even though their husbands love them very well. Christ loved the seven churches in Revelation, yet most of them hadn't responded as well as they should have to His love.