Do This With Us Today....

Are You Thinking About Coming To Our Marriage Intensive? Here's Why You Should Go...

Can you believe we're actually posting a video?!? We know...we know...it's been a while, it's just that we haven't had access to a video camera for a loooong time and our son has graciously let us use his for a bit so we're taping like crazy over here!

A lot of couples We wanted to talk with people about why they should go to one of our Marriage Intensives; you know...things they may be struggling with, how their marriage may look (or not look) right now, the kind of help they may or may not be getting and how that plays into their relationship. Then we talk about what they'll receive at our workshop, the biggest plus ~ in our opinion ~ is being taught by a couple who's actually living out what they teach.





We recently read that about 75% of couples who go to marriage counseling end up worse than when they started or divorced. That's a troubling statistic and one that we can attest to being a part of. Nothing at all against counseling, though the reason this often happens is because counselors treat the couples as individuals instead of as a couple. Interesting.

We hope you'll watch and be blessed by what we have to say and that to know that you can experience change in your marriage. Oh! And please be sure to click the Facebook "Like" button at the end of this post to share this with all of your friends.

Blessings!

Why Go To A Marriage Intensive...

We recently heard a surprising statistic; that 75% of marriages get worse or end in divorce in spite of marriage counseling. We can definitely say that we fell into that category despite two years of secular and non-secular counseling. We literally spent thousands of dollars trying to get help for our marriage only to watch it free fall towards hopelessness. What we needed was a biblically-based alternative to counseling that didn't address us individually but as a couple and we found it at a Marriage Intensive.

Couples who attend have relationships that suffer from many of the following reasons:

• they're engaged and experiencing problems with their fiance
• there's a lack of affection
• they have issues that always seem to resurface without any resoltuion
• they're secretly miserable
• they've become roommates without benefits
• their needs are ignored
• they're hardly ever have sex
  
• there's been physical or emotional adultery
• they're feeling controlled and manipulated
• they resent one another
  
• they have discussion that escalate into arguments or screaming sessions
• they're struggling with addictions
  
• they're experiencing verbal, emotional, physical or spiritual abuse
• they're bored
  
• they're staying together because of their family, social pressure, the church, financial reasons, etc.
• a lack of appreciation
  

In our bad days, we could lay claim to just about every one of these issues and we were completely battle scared when we stepped into our Intensive on that first day. By the end...we both went home with a sense of hope we hadn't felt in years!

Marriage Restoration Intensives aren't large counseling sessions. You won't be asked to participate in small groups, break-out sessions or have to take homework back to your room each night. Instead, you will receive marriage-transforming principles, based on God's word, that you can take home and apply to your daily lives that will strengthen and renew your marriage.

If you're feeling drained and frustrated or are dangling on the edge of divorce, we urge you to consider attending our next Intensive....it's time to learn how to transform your marriage.

Join us for the next Marriage Restoration Intensive which takes place June 9-12 in Anaheim, CA. Just connect with us to find out more information and to sign up.

It's time...

Do Or Do Not ~ There Is No Try...

Now that I've gotten the attention of any Star Wars fans who may read our blog, you may know that Jesus says something similar (sans Yoda speak) in Revelation when He's addressing one of the seven churches:

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.
I wish you were either one or the other! So, because
you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about
to spit you out of my mouth. Rev. 3:15-16

We often tell husbands to make a decision to either do this or not, that is, become a Christlike husband and be with his wife the way God calls him to, because if he's just half in, or just trying, or only lukewarm, he might as well forget it. The worst thing he can do is just enough to get by...just enough to get his wife feeling somewhat safe again...just enough to get back into the house (and into her bed)...and then...

stop.

I really do mean this. It's the absolute worst.

So, husband, if you know you're not going to love your wife unconditionally (for the rest of your life) or lay your life down for her (for the rest of your life) or live with her in understanding (for the rest of your life) or make her your number one priority (for the rest of your life) then have the balls to tell her because lukewarm just doesn't cut it. It's not worth it for you or her. Nor your kids for that matter. Or your family or your church family or your job or the world.

I'm just sayin'.

Coffee should be drunk while it's hot; iced tea while it's cold. Get the picture?

The Beginning of Our Marriage Restoration Journey

I was looking in Michael's 'sent' email folder today for something that he'd forwarded to me last month and found this letter that I'd given him a couple of weeks before we went to our Marriage Intensive. As it's part of our personal story, we thought it perfect to post for Testimony Tuesday.

Dear Michael,

I'm really glad that we seem to be on a path to restoring our marriage. I'm glad that you are reading Joel and Kathy's books and that you've been open to their teaching, experience and suggestions as hard as that may be for you at times. I recognize that you want to try to make changes in your life that will positively affect me, you and our marriage and will help you to become that man that God has called you to be.

I think that the Intensive could be a huge turning point for both of us and I want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to pay the fee as soon as possible so that we can go. I think it was a complete blessing from the Lord that I was able to use my miles and I don't think we can afford to lose this opportunity. I hope you feel the same.

I also want to say that I'm glad you were finally open to moving out. I know this was difficult for you (you even mentioned pride, humiliation, etc.) and I recognize your struggle. The thing is, it's not working for me (not with it being just a "clothes out" move). Even though I at first agreed (actually suggested) that you continue to come here to do your work, I don't feel in control of my life knowing that you're still coming here everyday. It doesn't feel like a true separation and though I struggle with being alone and wanting to be taken care of by you (especially during my pregnancy) I don't feel like I have any space that I can call my own right now to grow and breathe. I know that I've asked you to stay a couple of times and you've immediately said that you don't want to overstay your welcome. I'm glad that you're conscious of that boundary.

It's just that, for me, it's more of a struggle to grow through this and really focus on restoring myself when I see you all the time. It's too easy for me to want to throw everything away and just make love and forget that there are some real issues that need to be dealt with ~ especially by you ~ before we can really and truly come back together. I will go out on a limb here to say that you struggle with the same thing and these two wrongs for us both definitely do not make a right.

NEGATIVE - What I've seen from you since you agreed to move out is (and even since we started talking again):
- putting the fact that you forced me out back on me and trying to make me feel bad about it
- not moving your clothes out until I said something
- wanting to be secretive about who had the tapes
- you still trying to have some control in my life
- you not having to pay any rent on the apartment as I've already done so
- two months of an unpaid mortgage, etc. - allowing G to have the upper hand in his relationship with you (language, disrespect, boundaries, etc.) which speaks of your relationship with me

POSITIVE - I've also seen you:
- reading Joel & Kathy's books
- making some apologies
- doing some work around the house
- buying gifts
- going on some appointments
- putting gas in my car
- buying groceries

I think that the negative stuff is your arrested development and pride getting in the way. I think that the positive stuff is you really wanting to make an effort. I think we both need some space. And so I'm asking you to move your office to the apartment for the time being. It just feels too much like I've come home to you on your terms (like every time before) and I need you to come back on mine.

I get the inconvenience of it all and I can already hear the prideful excuses. Still, I'm hoping for the positive effort.


Five days later, Michael sent the following email to J&K:

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Money is very tight right now. I am self employed so no check every Friday. However I do have money coming in, and paying for the intensive is on the top of the list. I have read your first book and now I have started to read your second book. Learning to listen to my wife's heart is what I am working on also owning how I have hurt her. She is still unsure if the changing in me is genuine, although it seems like she is beginning to open up with me. When she poses a request I am learning to listen and act on it right away. Thank you for being so open and for setting me on the right path to love my wife with agape love.

WOW! Our little boy is 3!

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In just a few days, our son Daniel will turn 3 years old and it's amazing that three years have passed us by in what feels like an instant.

I was 5 months pregnant with Daniel (our only child together) when I filed for divorce and just a couple of months away from having him when we began our marriage restoration. There was a lot that came up for me at that time. When Jeff was alive, I was 5 months pregnant with Evan when we found out that he had terminal cancer. And when he became very sick, he was mostly on the couch and had to depend on those around him for all of his needs.

A week after Daniel was born, my c-section incision opened and I had to be on bed rest (which I did on the couch) for 2 months during which I had to depend on Michael for everything. It just brought up so much for me and put me in a place of completely having to trust him and him completely dying to self and putting me first. Whether we wanted it to look this way or not, we were thrown head first into our restoration .

But, looking back, this was the best way for us - God couldn't have orchestrated it any better. And Daniel's birth was such a blessing! His promise of new life; in our child, in our family and in our marriage!

Marriage Intensive Gave Us Hope and Restoration!

In March of 2007, without hope and with great heartache, I (Annalea) filed for divorce. For three years prior to that we had tried to get help, we'd been separated several times, gone to counseling, read books, gone through workshops. We just got worse and neither of us could figure out why.

Two months later, I found Joel and Kathy Davisson's ministry - God Save My Marriage - and learned that they facilitated Marriage Intensives in their home town of Palm Coast, FL. We went and, well, the rest is history. If you've been following this blog for any length of time, you'll know the outcome and if you're a first time reader, I hope the title of our blog is a give away to what we've experienced (and continue to experience) since we attended.

God had SO MUCH to teach us!

Now, Michael and I facilitate the same Marriage Intensive out here in southern California. In fact, we have one coming up in Anaheim, CA September 16-19 and if you'd like to attend with your spouse, just shoot us an email or give us a call.

They're really amazing and if you're willing and teachable....you'll get a miracle too!

Hope to hear you on our call tonight at 7!

An Overdue Apology

The growth in Michael's character over the last three years ~ as a believer and as a husband ~ has been tremendous. As we've walked out our marriage restoration together, this change in him has fostered a deep trust and vulnerability that not only serves to strengthen our relationship, it's also created safety, great love and oneness between the two of us.

You may remember that we just finished a Marriage Intensive a week ago. It was during this time ~ in conversation with one of the couples ~ that a memory came up for me from our bad days; a time when Michael had falsely accused me of inappropriate behavior with a dear friend. I'd been deeply hurt by him over that event (as had my friend and his wife) and it was the first time in our relationship that Michael had made a false accusation of me which was a foreshadow of things to come for us.

I think that because these kinds of accusations continued and worsened over the years, the incredulity of the first time lessened a bit though the relationship between my friends and myself definitely suffered and it was sad for all of us. Where it had once been extremely close, it changed and became very fragile and...careful.

So, here we were ~ at the Intensive ~ and in the course of conversation this particular incident came up and Michael realized that he would have a chance to apologize to my friend in person (no less) because he was going to be in California visiting with another friend (these guys were my late husband's best friends) and they were going to visit with us during our vacation.

It was awesome. Michael greeted both guys warmly and with an openness and a trust that I can SO tell you he never had in our bad days. During the course of their time with us, he took the opportunity to humbly and sincerely apologize for his actions all those years ago. He made it clear that he didn't expect anything in return, even forgiveness; he just wanted them to know that he was deeply sorry.

This may be a bit confusing as I started off mentioning one guy and now Michael's apologizing to two. The one he apologized to for the accusation, the two he apologized to because he knows of their love and friendship towards my late husband and their concern over how Michael had treated me in the past. Got it?

All this to say that we continue to have times of restoration as we walk this out and that it's moments like this that make it all worth it; for my heart, for Michael's heart and for the hearts of others.

And to that I say, "Amen!"