The Beginning of Our Marriage Restoration Journey

I was looking in Michael's 'sent' email folder today for something that he'd forwarded to me last month and found this letter that I'd given him a couple of weeks before we went to our Marriage Intensive. As it's part of our personal story, we thought it perfect to post for Testimony Tuesday.

Dear Michael,

I'm really glad that we seem to be on a path to restoring our marriage. I'm glad that you are reading Joel and Kathy's books and that you've been open to their teaching, experience and suggestions as hard as that may be for you at times. I recognize that you want to try to make changes in your life that will positively affect me, you and our marriage and will help you to become that man that God has called you to be.

I think that the Intensive could be a huge turning point for both of us and I want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to pay the fee as soon as possible so that we can go. I think it was a complete blessing from the Lord that I was able to use my miles and I don't think we can afford to lose this opportunity. I hope you feel the same.

I also want to say that I'm glad you were finally open to moving out. I know this was difficult for you (you even mentioned pride, humiliation, etc.) and I recognize your struggle. The thing is, it's not working for me (not with it being just a "clothes out" move). Even though I at first agreed (actually suggested) that you continue to come here to do your work, I don't feel in control of my life knowing that you're still coming here everyday. It doesn't feel like a true separation and though I struggle with being alone and wanting to be taken care of by you (especially during my pregnancy) I don't feel like I have any space that I can call my own right now to grow and breathe. I know that I've asked you to stay a couple of times and you've immediately said that you don't want to overstay your welcome. I'm glad that you're conscious of that boundary.

It's just that, for me, it's more of a struggle to grow through this and really focus on restoring myself when I see you all the time. It's too easy for me to want to throw everything away and just make love and forget that there are some real issues that need to be dealt with ~ especially by you ~ before we can really and truly come back together. I will go out on a limb here to say that you struggle with the same thing and these two wrongs for us both definitely do not make a right.

NEGATIVE - What I've seen from you since you agreed to move out is (and even since we started talking again):
- putting the fact that you forced me out back on me and trying to make me feel bad about it
- not moving your clothes out until I said something
- wanting to be secretive about who had the tapes
- you still trying to have some control in my life
- you not having to pay any rent on the apartment as I've already done so
- two months of an unpaid mortgage, etc. - allowing G to have the upper hand in his relationship with you (language, disrespect, boundaries, etc.) which speaks of your relationship with me

POSITIVE - I've also seen you:
- reading Joel & Kathy's books
- making some apologies
- doing some work around the house
- buying gifts
- going on some appointments
- putting gas in my car
- buying groceries

I think that the negative stuff is your arrested development and pride getting in the way. I think that the positive stuff is you really wanting to make an effort. I think we both need some space. And so I'm asking you to move your office to the apartment for the time being. It just feels too much like I've come home to you on your terms (like every time before) and I need you to come back on mine.

I get the inconvenience of it all and I can already hear the prideful excuses. Still, I'm hoping for the positive effort.


Five days later, Michael sent the following email to J&K:

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Money is very tight right now. I am self employed so no check every Friday. However I do have money coming in, and paying for the intensive is on the top of the list. I have read your first book and now I have started to read your second book. Learning to listen to my wife's heart is what I am working on also owning how I have hurt her. She is still unsure if the changing in me is genuine, although it seems like she is beginning to open up with me. When she poses a request I am learning to listen and act on it right away. Thank you for being so open and for setting me on the right path to love my wife with agape love.

Marriage Restoration Success

Michael landed on something great during one of our weekly ministry calls a couple of weeks ago; Guys ~ get out of your wife's head. Don't assume how your wife will react to something you do or say. Instead, do the right thing (be Christlike) and let her decide how to react.

Trust that when you do the right things, the desire that God has put into her heart will come back to life toward you and then enjoy the results when she begins to respond warmly. Don't decide that she is going to reject you and then live from that. Get out of her head.

Ladies: Get out of husband's head. Enjoy his positive words and actions when he does them. Don't get into why he's doing them, how he's feeling about them, or if he want to do them....just enjoy the positive actions and words of love. Let him fight his own battles in getting his flesh to die and getting his heart and head into the right place.

Assuming that you know what the other is thinking and feeling can work against you and the marriage. Remember, you're both coming from a different place now so don't set each other up for failure. Walk out what you're learning together and set your marriage up for success!

Hope to have you both join us on the call tonight at 7pm! Dial in information can be found in the side bar to the right so don't be shy!

We care about your marriage!

Why A Husband Resists Restoration...and what a wife can do

Even though they know their relationship with their wife is suffering, many husbands will resist efforts of marriage restoration. A typical scenario looks like this: a husband thinks he's trying and doing his best and because of this he will say it's his wife's fault that the marriage is suffering. Since that's the case (in his mind), then he doesn't need to do anything more than he already is, read any books, seek counseling, go to marriage workshops, etc. He tells himself (and his wife) that if she would just accept him as he is and recognize all he does for her and their family, then everything would be fine.

This is so not the case.

I (Michael) was one of these husbands even though I did read marriage books, went to workshops and sought counseling with Annalea. However, these things never taught me how to be a genuine Christian husband like this ministry has.

At seven months pregnant, Annalea said we either go to this Marriage Intensive or we're done (just a note, she'd already filed divorce papers and tried everything I'd asked her to including all of the above). I realized she was serious and began to genuinely consider the possibility of me having to look at myself and what I was (and wasn't) doing as being the problem in the marriage.

It took me a month of resistance ~ a month of keeping Annalea guessing and holding up the miracle we needed ~ before I agreed to go.

So what can a wife do if she has a husband like I used to be? Watch this weeks video to find out and don't wait another day to get your miracle!

If I can do it....Your Husband Can Do It Too!

Removing The Scales

Today in church our pastor ended his sermon by sharing a passage from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by C.S. Lewis. This passage tells of Eustace, cousin of the Pevensie children and a very selfish bully of a boy who is transformed into a dragon as a result of sleeping on a dead dragon's hoard with "greedy, dragon-ish thoughts" in his heart. When Eustace meets Aslan, the scales he's been trying to remove himself and painfully removed by Aslan with the desired result. It's a beautiful picture of the redemption which occurs when we choose to follow Christ. I think the passage is worth sharing.

"The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. but the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not.

I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and , instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I jsut stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

The the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

The very first tear he made was do deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.

Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I, as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.

After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me - (with his paws?) - Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. and then suddenly I was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream."

There IS Hope for Your Marriage!

This past Sunday, Michael and I concluded our most recent Marriage Victory Intensive. How we wish we could fully express to you how amazing it was; the incredible breakthroughs that took place for each of the couples and the taste of renewed hope that God poured upon them as they left. We've tried to give you a feel in this weeks Testimony Tuesday video and below you'll find two testimonies from one of the couples who were with us this past weekend.

Our next Marriage Victory Intensive will be April 29 - May 2, 2010. You don't have to continue to live in pain or just survive or even just stay together in misery for the sake of the your children.

There IS Hope For Your Marriage! You CAN both be Outrageously Happy!


Michael & Annalea, thank you for being such willing vessels for the Lord's work. A month before we came, my husband started reading Kathy and Joel's books and I started seeing a change. I truly believe a miracle has taken place in my husband's heart. I have hope for the first time in our 8 years of marriage. Thank you for helping us restore our marriage. You will forever be a part of our lives! ~ Rhea

The Lord has used Michael & Annalea to save our marriage. I was blind but now I see...I have been faced with truth to expose the life of pain I have brought upon my beautiful wife. The truth has set me free to love my most precious possession (my wife) and God's baby girl in the way she has always longed for and has desired to receive from me. We love you guys and you were the hand of God to rescue me. ~ Greg

Marriage Intensive Happening This Weekend

Tomorrow evening begins our next Marriage Victory Intensive. We have three couples coming for four days to learn how to restore their marriage and become Outrageously Happy with one another and in their marriage. We'd like to ask all of our readers to pray for each couple as well as for Michael and me as we speak into the lives of these precious people.

We know that God is the god of restoration, healing and wholeness and we know that were there is willingness and a teachable spirit, new and good fruit can be harvested.

And remember, if we can do it....They Can Do It Too and So Can You!

In Jesus Name!