How Ok Are We?

In the world of on-line sharing, we've been fortunate to come across some great bloggers who have incredible insight into the dynamics of marriage and Christianity. Today, I (Annalea) read a post by Traylor Lovvorn over at Reflections of a Ragamuffin entitled "I'm Not Ok. You're Not Ok. And That's Ok!" which was awesome and which elicited the following response from me. Because I feel it's an important topic, I wanted to post it here. Oh, and definitely visit both of these blogs because they're terrific!


Hey Traylor,

Great post with a lot of truth and a topic that comes on the heels of a conversation I recently had with Michael and a couple who was at our home for dinner last night.

The conversation started with me bringing up a recent post I'd read over at Project M which asked the question - Is Marriage Hard? - which morphed into a discussion of a program that us two couples are familiar with which encourages people to be their authentic self which, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing (no masks, no pretending, etc.); it just leaves big gaps that never get quite filled. My question/response to that, though, was what about when my "authentic self" hurts another person? Do I justify that with, "hey, this is me....authentically." Somehow, I don't think that would work because it's an authenticity that's self-focused when viewed this way.

Which takes me to your 4th quadrant: "I'm not okay. You're not okay." True statements and definitive Gospel which offers true freedom in Christ. It doesn't seem quite enough to recognize our respective non-okness (how's that for a new word?), however, and leave it at that. I would hope that the recognition would follow with change as it doesn't seem enough to recognize the brokenness and do nothing to move through it; to say, "this is just who I am" because there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ therefore others need to receive me just as He does.

I recognize that you haven't stated this in your post; it's just what came up for me while reading it. In our marriage ministry, we occasionally talk with husbands who claim in one breath that God knows their heart and with the next verbally abuse their wife. Yet they hold fast to that belief because, in their mind, it justifies the strength of their faith even though the Word tells that same man (indeed, tells us all) that out of the mouth speaks the heart. Our response to these men is, "you're absolutely right. God does know your heart."

My reality is this: my marriage would never have been restored had Michael continued to look at pornography and go to strip clubs. Do we both recognize that as a part of non-okness? Yes. Though to just recognize it and do nothing to move out of it would have been counter productive and, in my opinion, a poor representation of Christianity.

Shocking Stats on Internet Porn

Via: Online MBA

We May Never Pass This Way Again

Today Michael and I went to visit the two facilities we're considering for our upcoming Marriage Intensive next month. We're super excited about the place we've chosen and know that our participants will love it.

But that's not the exciting part...at least not to us.

During the course of our second meeting, we ended up having an opportunity to sit down with the event coordinator and talk with him about this ministry and what the Intensives are all about. Turns out, he's currently separated from his wife and they're both feeling hopeless. Nothing they've tried so far has been working and they're not sure which way to go.

Now isn't that just SO God? I absolutely love how He knows what we need and orchestrates all the particulars. He knew this man needed to hear some hope for the future of his marriage and God used us to give it to him.

We may never see or hear from him again, he and his wife may or may not come to one of our Intensives, visit our blog or get on our calls. That's okay with us though. If we were able to help in just a small way....then we're good!

Sharing Is Caring....So I'm Sharing

One of the awesome things I’ve come to love about blogging is all of the people I’ve begun to meet and learning about them and from them from reading their blogs, chatting with them on Facebook and following them on Twitter. And I must confess right now that I could easily hang out all day with my computer and a cup of coffee and be quite content. Not healthy for my marriage or for kids who want to eat so ~ word to the wise ~ don’t go there.

However, whenever I read something really great or watch a video with a powerful message about marriage and/or husbands & wives or find something that strengthens my walk with Christ, I just want to share it everyone.

So, since plagiarism is a dirty word and something I’m not given to, check out these links when you have a chance and share them with your spouse. They’ll definitely give you something to think about and, hopefully, be great conversation starters. Be sure to give credit where credit is due if you link to any of them on your own site. And don’t forget to take a look at the links and blogs listed over on the right of your screen. They’re totally worth it!

Oh My Gosh, and before I forget, Joyce Meyer is now following us on Twitter!!!! AND Michael and I were interviewed last night for a book being written about couples who were once separated and are now restored. How cool it that?!? Too excited not to share!

My Heart His Heart (keeping your harvest from being ruined)

Crosswalk – Paul Coughlin (Men need to initiate)

Without Wax (Measuring Spiritual Formation, Fighting For Control, Our Insecurity)

Paul Washer on The Purpose of Marriage (video)

Porn-Again Christian: A frank discussion on pornography and masturbation (this is an ebook)

Daddy’s Little Girl
(the above is post from an interview with the creator of Dirty Girls Ministry Crystal Renaud. Her fantastic site is here)

This should keep you busy for a while. I’ll be sure to share more great articles & videos as I come across them. Also, we often share snippets of things we come across during the week on our Tuesday night ministry calls (info to the right) so be sure to dial in!

Remember, if Michael and I can have a restored marriage….So Can YOU!