I was recently reading a post over at The Generous Wife ~ a terrific blog and a companion to The Generous Husband ~ in which the author, Lori, speaks of men being sexually hungry in a marriage and women being emotionally hungry. She says, "You have opposing hungers and both spouses are finding it hard to give out of their emptiness."
This was an interesting post and the many comments it received and, as a wife, made me wonder....weren't our husbands meeting our emotional needs before we married them? Isn't this one of the reasons we said 'yes' when they proposed, this kind of sweet pursuit? Ladies, let's just all acknowledge right now that this was a big sexual turn on for us. And if we were sexually active with them before we married them, did we give them sex first without there being an emotional draw/connection? I don't think so.
So why do we settle for the absence of being emotionally pursued after the vows are said and take on the role of sexual initiator so that our hearts will be cherished in return? In my opinion, this is like Cinderella placing the glass slipper on Prince Charming. Totally backwards. Ick!
Now, I'm not saying that a wife should never initiate sex with her husband, not at all. I'm saying that she shouldn't feel that she has to in order to get what she needs. God calls a husband to go first in the marriage by loving his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. This is unconditional love. This is a husband dying to himself in order for his bride to live and to be cherished and nurtured (holy and without blemish, spot or wrinkle). This is what enables her to be giving in her sexuality toward her husband.
If he did it while dating, there's no excuse for him not to do it in marriage.
I'm just sayin'.
"If he did it while dating, there's no excuse for him not to do it in marriage."
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely true, and there are no excuses if he does not. In the same way, if she was sexually available when the marriage started, is there any excuses for her not being that way now?
There are marriages where he has backed off on the emotional more, or faster than she backed off on the sexual - but there are also marriages where she has backed off on the sexual more or faster than he has on the emotional. Bottom line, there are a lot of men who are doing their part, and their wife is not doing her part. That's wrong, and it's a result of her injuries and choices, not his actions.
In some marriages there is way too much backing off by both. If both husband and wife are relatively healthy, a unilateral effort on the part of one will change the heart and mind of the other. But here's the thing - if neither of them is feeling what the other wants, then what? You can have sex without "feeling it", and if you are honest that is what is happening, it can be a starting place for changes in both. However, you can't do the emotional without feeling it - any attempt would be faking it.
That said, there are things a man can do to build love, both in his heart and hers, and I need to do some writing about that.
Blessings,
Paul
This is an interesting conversation. Of course marriage isn't about keeping score... Who's going to move?
ReplyDeleteIf two people are standing ten steps apart, and only one person takes two steps closer... then no matter who made the move, you are now two steps closer, right? (if that analogy makes any sense to anyone except me)
I once heard Jimmy Evans say, "Men it doesn't matter if you don't want to talk or be emotional because that is what your wife needs. You need to be more emotional than you feel. Because your wife needs that. And woman it doesn't matter if you are not interested in sex. You need to be more sexual than you feel because that is what your husband needs."
"Sacrifice" for one another is one of the most awesome things in marriage. Sometimes difficult, but worth it.
GOD BLESS LORI
ReplyDeleteShe has a more spiritual response to others ,specialy whit the one she has responsability 1Co 7:3-5
let us not be so selfish
Good point Paul
let's look for advice in the God's Word.
blesings for you all.