Slaying the Silent Knight

Passive/Aggressive men or, as we like to call them, Silent Knights, are some of the most verbally and emotionally abusive husbands and are often the hardest to reach. On the outside, these husbands are great with tasks and are often perceived by others as a great guy and in many respects they are. These same men often have such a deep fear of intimacy that they will wrap themselves up in busy work to avoid any type of emotional bond with their wife....children....extended family....anyone who requires their heart to be involved. Because these husbands are great at other things that his wife needs and that are important in the marriage, she often feels wrong for even bringing up the sorrow that she feels because of the emotional disconnect ~ and her passive/aggressive husband will validate this wrong feeling with making her feel bad because of all he does.

It's a tricky situation.

Today we speak on this subject which, truth be told, we could talk on for many hours....days in fact and - if you get on any of the weekly calls - Wednesday nights are specifically geared towards the passive/aggressive husband.

Speaking of calls, we hop you'll join us this evening at 7pm (pst - dialing information in the sidebar) for our weekly marriage ministry call. Don't worry about being on right at 7 either as these calls often go on until 11pm, 12pm...sometimes until 1am as needed.

There are still 3 open spots for next weeks Marriage Victory Intensive so just give us a call if you want to register.

Be blessed!


  1. A passive aggressive husband is some immature guy which doesn't know how to give and receive love. In a nutshell, the wife needs to raise him from his fear and distrust, to have a real person with her. What gets in the middle of this program is a natural resentment: "how come he looked as a grown up and now I need to raise him? Did he lie to me in the courtship phase of our relationship? Why do I have to put up with this lonely marriage and wait for him to grow up?"
    Meanwhile life can be really miserable! either the wife decides to stay or to leave him, the decision is very painful. We need a lot of conversation about this communication style so people find easier to ask for help, get some support to do the necessary changes and reinforce their union with more trust.
    You can get a free ebook about Healthy Marriage at: http://www.passiveaggressivehusband.com

  2. I am resending my first posting on your site RE: the Silent Knight, because you canceled my comment, and did not send me an answer.

    I'd like to see if you are gracious enough to have an answer to my comment, before I forward my answer to some of your clients, who are questioning your advice. I am hopeful that you shall be willing to do the right thing by me, which is to respond, so what you have to say incorporated into my formal communication to a group of your clients. You might imagine how negative their feelings toward you might be without your reasonable response? Only criminals have the right to take the 5th and not have an answer. The Bible tells you to always have an answer to every man who asks you to reason with him over your hope (1Pet. 3:15); The Lord being against those without an answer (3:12 & 15); My activity has been courteous and pitiful and even compassionate, wherein I have not railed but have been a blessing (3:8-9): And this is because I have set forth the knowledge of how husbands are to honor their wives, so that they would work together in the life of grace (3:7); YOU seeming to be amazed at Sara obeying Abraham was well doing (3:6); However, this manner is of holy women, who trust in God; and are in spirit (3:5-4): Your response can be forwarded to gracefortoday@cox.net

    Sincerely in love,

    Your brother Philip

  3. Your last comment to us (shown below) asked no questions. It was filled only with statements, scripture and an offer of your help. Thank you, however, we have mentors in the faith that we already answer to on a regular basis. Additionally, we have no clients as we are not a business and make no claim to be. We are a believing couple who was once in crisis to the point of divorce and is now on the other side, by the grace of God, living an Outrageously Happy Marriage. It is through our experience that we minister to other couples who seek us out of their own accord.

    Had you asked a question, we would have answered. We are a Christian ministry committed to blessing Christian married couples and do not provide a forum for scriptural debate. If you are married and need help in your marriage we would be happy to help. If you and married and have a happy marriage with you loving your wife as Christ loves you then you do not need our help. Either way, we pray the Lord's blessing be upon you.

    Michael and Annalea

  4. Fruit UNTO God:

    And so you say that the secret of a good marriage is for husbands to talk to their wives.

    You adding, When Jesus said husbands love your wives, He meant connect with them with words of affirmation, externalize for their internal edification.

    However, the Bible tells us: Let us NOT love by words only; but in deeds too (1Jn. 3:18); [1] Not by our works, which bring forth fruit unto death; (A) because herein we are in the motions of sins; and (B) because we are in the flesh (Rom. 7:5); But rather we are to be in the newness of service unto others, which is in spirit (7:6); Without which we are in that lusty covetousness, as those who are in that occasion, which is against the commandment [to love] in spirit (7:8-6); In spirit is not about bring fruit unto our spouse, it is about bring fruit unto God (7:4); Without which a woman is under the law of a husband (7:2); Which is the occasion that is just for the satisfying of the flesh, which is not my liberty to love within the above service (Gal. 5:13); God needing to give us the power to love in spirit (2Tim. 1:7).

    [2] Not by our works, which are mere darkness (Eph. 5:11); But rather in the spiritual (5:19); Which spiritual is the great mystery of how we are one with Christ together (5:32); Wherein the spiritual needs to be imparted unto us, if we are going to be comforted together (Rom. 1:11-12); Defined as;- not in conformity with the world [unto one another/for us]; but in the transformed service, which is our reasonable sacrifice unto God (12:2-1); As we are into pleasing one another, we are said not to be serving Christ (Gal. 1:10).

    IN CONCLUSION: marriage for the serving of one another is outside of why we are to be together, so that we could better serve God. Without which marriages do not last, because a couple can only be temporality satisfied to be together for the satisfying of the flesh. This is not love, it is lust. Once conceived this lust begets sin, and when this sin is finished there is nothing but death! Such lust passes away.

    You teaching men to tell their wives what they would like to be to them; to be for them; is not what being together is all about, which is just for our personal satisfaction. What a waste of life; small wonder that God does nothing to keep these self-serving marriages together. Rather a godly man should be telling his wife what God would like to be to her; and what God would like to be for her, because they are in the above spiritual offering unto God: This is the togetherness, which God works to keep together for His glory. My liberty to love by grace should never be judged, because it is unto the glory of God (2Cor. 10:20-31); Otherwise I’m just playing at love in lust, which is fornication (10:6-8).

    If your speeches, which are very fair, had Scripture in them, God might be able to use you for His glory. Instead, He seems only to be using you to extend the life of fruitless relationships together for a few more worthless years for self-serving activity.

    You should be reproving the unfruitful works of darkness; and proving what is acceptable unto the Lord (Eph. 5:11-10); Presenting our bodies unto God, instead of unto our spouse is a reasonable thing to do, which thing is acceptable unto God (Rom. 12:1-2). Herein I have proven what is acceptable, and good, and perfect, and according to the will of God through grace (12:2-3).

    All that is not needed is your yes and amen.

    If you would like some further help in putting all of these things together, for the glory of God: I am your obedient servant in the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Sincerely in love,

    Your brother Philip