Another Golden Nugget from Joel and Kathy's marriage forum that is so worth reading. This comes from Firewalker, an incredible woman whom Michael and I happen to know personally and who is walking out this journey with her husband. We recommend that you do a search for her name and read everything that she's written. What we're sharing here is just a small sample of her knowledge of this process.
Attributes of a Man committed to Healing:
A man who is sincerely pursuing healing his wife's heart will reach out in humility and get the real help he needs. He will recognize his continuing being stuck in the pattern of his old ways and will seek counsel to interrupt the negative thinking which produces such behavior that "trying" in the strength of his own "flesh" is likely to produce: sinful, selfish, defensive, self-pitying.
A broken man before the Lord will embrace the current state of behavior and bring it to the altar of the Lord to be burned up
A humble man does not argue, complain, resist, deflect or blame. He takes ownership of his sin and confesses it as sin, not just a little cluelessness.
A sincere man will re-double his efforts and get busy with REAL change, and confess his half-hearted efforts that kept him only moderately committed.
A passionate husband will set aside his own comfort to get this marriage, the most important calling in his life, on top of the priority list and keep it at the forefront of his mind.
A man who seeks greater Christlikeness will keep short accounts with God, and with his wife, initiating confession regularly at the prompting of the Spirit of God.
A godly, committed husband will become a greater prayer warrior and will enlist the compassionate prayer of his wife to join him in warring on his knees before the Lord and fighting against his REAL enemy: the world, his flesh and the Devil.
Attributes of an insincere, selfish, fleshly husband in the healing process:
A man who is NOT sincere will be: disgruntled, self-pitying, entitled to be angry (He is, in his mind, trying), shut down further emotionally.
He will drag his feet, because afterall he doesn't believe he really is the problem.
He will run away from his wife at every opportunity both physically and emotionally.
He will isolate greater, embracing the hopelessness and identifying himself as the world most misunderstood man.
He is the ultimate V-I-C-T-I-M, and will allow this to kill any hope of real change.
He will enlist the help of others to point out to his wife how right he is about their marriage and how harsh, mean, demanding and cruel his wife is being when she wants "Christlikeness" from him.
He will pray for relief from his pain.
He will bury his head in the sand and hope this too just blows over.
He will continue doing what he always has done, not seeing that that is why he is getting what he has alway gotten in the way of results.
His mind will remain untransformed, making any of his small actions towards healing isolated events, ineffective, disconnected emotionally from his wife, and safe from real risk or discomfort on his part.
He will continue to blame his wife and God for giving him this wife.
Tonight, as you may know, is our free weekly marriage ministry call which begins at 7pm (pst). 512-716-6531 access code is 981128#. We can't tell you how amazingly helpful these are and we urge you to call in and get some help. We, as are all of the helpers in this ministry, are so willing to be in the trenches with you and your spouse as you walk out your healing and restoration. Micheal and I have been there and we completely understand how difficult it can be. We believe that this is the body helping the body and it's so needed.
Also, we have another Marriage Victory Intensive coming up February 18-21, 2010 in Anaheim, CA. If you'd like more information or would like to register, just visit our contact page and give us a jingle.
Remember, if we can do it....You Can Do It To!
We love and believe in you!