Michael and I love period films and one of our favorites is the most recent rendition of Pride & Predjudice by Jane Austen (the one with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen). Seriously, we can watch it over and over. In fact, on the forum of the marriage ministry we're involved in, our usernames are Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy; names I chose mainly based on the scene towards the end in which Mr. Darcy walks out of the mist with the single-minded determination of declaring his love for Miss Elizabeth.
Over the last two years, Michael has become that "mist"-tical Mr. Darcy for me. A man who tells me each day by word and deed that, "you have bewitched me body and soul and I love...I love... I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." Let me give you an example.
In my first marriage, there was very little physical intimacy between me and my husband. He felt that our frequencey was normal and the same for most couples. He knew that I wanted more and at one time proposed divorce because he didn't think he'd ever be able to meet my needs in that part of our relationship (just so we're all on the up and up, my first husband and I were very sexually active for the two years before we were married and that all but ended on our wedding night). Being too afraid that he'd leave me if I pressed him, I suffered silently inside because he was great in many other ways and wasn't that enough? F.Y.I. settling is never good enough.
Now, let's talk about emotional arrestedness for a moment. Mine occured when I was 5 and sexually molested by my paternal grandfather. I grew up, believing the lie of the enemy that my worth as a person and as a woman was tied to whether or not a boy or man had sex with me. Each time my first husband refused me it sent me into a tailspin of undesirability, unfulfilled need and worthlessness that I eventually accepted a way of life.
Fast forward to the present. One night last week, Michael and I had made love and were lying next to each other kissing. All of a sudden, emotion swept through me and I began to cry. When Michael noticed, he began to wipe my tears away and asked what was coming up for me. I told him that I'd had a memory of how, when I would be lying in bed with my first husband wanting to make love and would begin to kiss him, he would immediately change the kiss from one of passion to one of 'good night' effectively shutting me down. I hadn't thought of that particular part of our relationship in years.
God's been doing this lately, bringing up memories for me that need healing and He's using Michael to bring that healing to me. My husband held me, kissed me over and over, told me how much he loved and wanted me and made love to me again to solidify the healing he'd so effectively brought to my heart in that moment.
Michael didn't shut me down. He didn't turn away from my tears or become frustrated & jealous by the fact that I brought up my first husband (something he did in our bad days). Instead he made me feel completely safe, heard and loved. He put me above himself. He freed me up to draw closer to him, to release my first husband in forgiveness, to draw closer to the Lord and to share in the mystery of us both becoming one in body and soul.
This is what it looks like when a husband becomes the man that God called him to be. He becomes the husband that his wife needs him to be and the father that his children need him to be. His marriage flourishes and he matures in his relationship with the Lord. I see this in Michael more and more each day and it's precious to behold.
My Mr. Darcy.
If he can do it guys....You Can Do It Too!
Remember to join us tonight for our free weekly marriage ministry call. The fun begins at 7pm (pst) 512.716.6531 access code is 981128# We'd be blessed to have you join us!
Michael & Annalea