He Never Listens

There was a time when I seriously considered buying my q-tips from Costco so that I could get them IN BULK! I envisioned embarking on this endeavor in the hope that my husband would clean all the gunk from his ears (and there was a lot hence, the BULK part of my story) so that he would be able to hear what I had to say because surely that was part of the problem. It wasn't that he didn't want to listen to me, it was that he couldn't. I mean, isn't that right?

For years I talked and talked until my throat was raw and my husband just never got what I was feeling or needing from him. In fact, as soon as I opened my mouth he would shut down; turn on the television, walk into another room (forcing me to follow him), fall asleep, turn the conversation around to make it about him, think about something that had nothing to do with what I was saying or, even worse, say something like, "I don't want to talk about this right now!" (exclamation mark intended). I'm telling you he never heard me, never listened to what I was really saying, never validated my heart. I remember always feeling so bereft of any emotional connection with him which he would turn back on me by saying that I wasn't emotionally committed to our relationship.
Oy! I'm so very glad that we're not there anymore!

A good Christian husband listens to his wife when she talks to him. If he doesn't understand what she's saying, he lets her know and asks that she please explain it to him again. He stays present in the conversation, maybe even holds her hand or brushes her hair over her ear while she's talking. He focuses on her and the words she's speaking. He even takes an interest in her life by asking her questions. Whoa!
And I tell you what, something magical happens when a husband listens to his wife. She feels cherished and validated. She feels like her husband loves her and falls more deeply in love with him. She begins to respond positively to her husband because her heart feels safe with him. She wants to get closer to him; even physically closer.
Here's something interesting. The Chinese character, ting, which represents the verb “to listen" is significant in that it explains the difference between simply hearing and truly listening. It integrates representations of not only our ears, but of our eyes, our heart and the selfless act of undivided attention.
Men of God, your Lord gave you two ears. Begin to really listen to your wife.

No comments:

Post a Comment