Yesterday I was going through a box of files looking for a birth certificate for one of our boys and came across a file that said "Divorce/Restraining Order". I pulled it out and opened it. Inside was a copy of the divorce papers I'd served Michael with in March of 2007 along with a credit card slip for $1100 that he'd spent to retain an attorney along various notes and financial statements.
I felt a vice squeeze my heart.
Even though, praise God, our marriage is restored it was no less painful seeing those documents from that time in our lives. You may be wondering why Michael still even had the file. I know I did. First off, he keeps just about everything and when I brought it to him and asked why it was still with us, he'd genuinely forgotten about it. Then he took me in his arms and held me and apologized for how he was with me back then and validated the choice I felt I had to make at the time and apologized again for the fact that he'd been with me in a way that even got me to considering divorce. Afterward, we checked it to make sure there wasn't anything in it that we needed to keep such as W2's or our marriage certificate, etc. Then we threw it in the garbage because for us now, that's what it is.
When I thought about writing this post I thought it would have been good to take a picture of those papers with our names on it but then I realized that I never want to see them again or be reminded of where we used to be. I know that Michael loves me and our children and that he's fully committed to our marriage. He walks through the fire for me every day - laying down his life for me as the ultimate sacrifice unto God.