Getting Help Initiating

In the course of starting this blog, I've had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful people. Today I want to introduce you to Shula of Sensuous Wife. She has a huge heart for helping married couples fully enjoy their physical relationship in, of course, a very sensuous way. In fact, she has a tastefully done online store selling sensual products and her tag line is "Pleasure for wives and the husbands who love them." Of course, we're all for a husband treating his wife like a queen in EVERY way so we urge you to visit her blog and her store.

The following is her response to me based on a question I asked about initiating love making. I wanted to share it because physical intimacy issues come up a lot in our marriage ministry and I want to remind wives how important it is for us to let ourselves enjoy our husbands.

A wife asks: How do I initiate more?

Beloved Annalea asked this great question:

"I'm not the greatest at initiating sex with my husband. I never turn him down and I do make the occassional offer on my own. Though he never fusses at me about it, I know he'd love it if I initiated more. Any ideas?"

Well darlin, my answer is counterintuitive. If you want to really bless him, think about yourself more. I’d encourage you to initiate the things that are likely to arouse you and go for it when you find the sparks fly.

For example:
In the evening, when you step out of the shower and your honey is watching TV, take a hairbrush or comb from the bathroom and walk to the bed still nekkid*, hand him the brush, and say “Baby, brush my hair” and smile. He is very likely to say yes. You’re the only smiling nekkid woman in the room.

Now, this is the most important part: Enjoy it. I mean really enjoy it. Turn your whole focus and attention on your skin and scalp and hair. Lean your naked back against your husband’s chest. Notice how good this simple skin to skin contact feels. Feel the delightful pull of the brush going through your hair. Do not be afraid to sigh and say Ahhhh. Make whatever happy sounds you feel like making.

Now this is the part where your thoughts are so important. Do not allow any other thoughts to enter your head besides “he loves me” and “this feels good” and “I love him”. If any other thoughts enter your mind, let them go, by focusing on your skin and drinking in the sensations.
Imagine your spirit melting into his. Imagine his spirit melting into yours. Pretty soon, you’ll be wanting the rest of you to be touched and petted and fondled.

Move your body to expose whatever you want to be touched. Touch him back. Let yourself drink in the sensation and love you crave. Give your husband the gift of knowing his wife is totally savoring his every touch.

There are some more overt, hot ways to initiate sex and we’ll talk about those in a future post. But first, I want to encourage this more “self-focused” approach. Get very used to the idea of going to your husband for touch that is loving and feels good. Get accustomed to receiving from him and receiving well. Get in the habit of letting yourself become aroused and following it up by seeking an orgasm with your husband. Train your body and your heart to anticipate pleasure with him and you will automatically find yourself initiating more.

* according to beloved Southern humorist Lewis Grizzard, Naked is having no clothes on, Nekkid is having no clothes on when you're up to sumthin'. (grin)

Sensuous...Alive to pleasure received through the senses_+_Wife...Woman committed to enjoying her man and being enjoyed by him...for life

1 comment:

  1. Hi Annalea,

    This is great advice, but only works if the husband is willing to give his wife the permission to initiate. There are many men who in truth do not reeally give their wife the safety that she needs to do these kind of thins.