"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of an junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, g-damn it, because he used to give it to your for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self." Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
I took my mom to see this movie when it came out. It actually opened on her birthday so it worked out well with the whole lunch and a movie thing I had planned for her and while the above quote wasn't in the movie (it's from the book, which I'm currently reading), I remember being moved by alot of what took place in it because it paralleled many of my own experiences; especially the part where she dances with her first husband. OMG....copious tears but I'll save that for another time.
When I read this, though, it really hit me between the eyes. Talk about living out of emotional arrestedness which is exactly what I did when Michael and I were dating, and reading this took me back there completely...I mean I could feel those feelings; thick and tight....like wearing old, caked-on mud.
Why did I allow myself to act that way? Why did I say yes ~ with welcoming arms (and body) ~ to someone who completely disregarded my heart except when it was convenient for him?
Michael says that in relationships, most of us (Christian or not) don't believe that we can be anything different than what we are and so we look to the other person, just as ill equipped, to make us different and fill any lack. And before you remind me that God is meant to fill the lack (because He'll never disappoint and so on and so forth), the reality is that most of us are running around with big open wounds and, at the risk of ending up like the junkie mentioned above, we'll glom onto to the first person who offers even the smallest and quickest fix our empty hearts can get.
You know what I'm talking about.
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