Raging Bitch Lunatic

Today when Michael woke up and asked, "How are you feeling today Sweetheart?" I replied, "Like a raging bitch lunatic!" and do you know what he said? "That's good, Baby."

That wasn't sarcasm. He really meant it. Which is good, I suppose, because I really do feel like a raging bitch lunatic today.

You've probably been there a time or two yourself. Maybe even a time or fifty. I've felt like this more times than I care to admit on a public forum (and one that's dedicated to marriage restoration to boot) but normally, I stuff it and put on the look of normal. My 10-year-old had me completely pegged though this morning when he asked if I was angry with him or his brothers to which I said, "no Pup, why do you ask?" (duh!) He said, "because you have that look."

Does anyone have a napkin so that I can wipe the blood off the knife that just went into my heart?

And, to add insult to injury, Michael gave me permission to "let it out, Babe, I can take it." Can you believe that? While you may be reading this and thinking that I don't need his permission, he's wise enough to know that I do or I'd just keep trying to be a good girl and make everyone happy.

I'm really getting tired of trying to keep it together like this. It's exhausting, truly.

So...I let it out. For about 30 seconds (which is huge for me). I raised my voice and stomped around and cried and complained and slammed things. I told him that I didn't want to go and do something today that I'd committed to do for my mom and he said he'd go for me! I know....right? He totally would too and would do an amazing job but I told him no, he couldn't because then she would know that I didn't want to go and I just can not deal with that guilt right now. I'm going to go because it's the right thing to do and it's not about me and she needs my help and she loves me and blah...blah...blah...

Michael said, "Let me take you to lunch, Babe." Can't. I won't be here. I'll be dying to myself and helping my mom and besides, it wouldn't be much fun with the baby making a party of three. Didn't he even consider that?

Raging Bitch Lunatic, indeed. Lord, thank You for giving me a husband who's willing to go there with me, wherever my there may be and however ugly my there presents itself. Amen.

Somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate!