Many of the husbands who come into this ministry in the beginning will say that they'll do whatever it takes to win their wife's heart. They're given some basic tasks which they say they can do. They start off strong and full of energy for what's set before them but often times will only go a certain distance before they get tired and give up, claiming that they just can't go any further or die to self any more.
If you've never seen the movie FACING THE GIANTS, I really recommend you do so. There are many amazing messages within this film but I want to focus on the "Death Crawl" as an illustration of what I mentioned above. Husbands, as you begin to walk this out with your wife, don't be tempted to give up and give in when it gets difficult; and it will, believe me.
Just keep going. Don't stop. Don't give up on your wife. Don't give up on your marriage. You give your very best guys, your very best!
Great point and great illustration!
ReplyDeleteI would like to point out that BOTH spouses need to take this perspective in marriage...not just the husband. I do feel that the husband needs to lead the way, but it is also vitally important for the wife to see her own woundedness in the process as well.
Just this morning, Melody and I sat across the kitchen table from a woman who returned from her own intensive for co-dependency. She was glowing as she shared through tears the breakthrough that she had about issues that went all the way back to when she was 3 years old and were there WAY before she met her husband.
The fact is, we are all broken people and we see the world around us through the lens of our wounds. Both husband and wife must be willing to bring Christ into those wounds for true healing to take place. I love the way my pastor defines marriage..."Two people out-repenting each other."
Again, I LOVE your illustration from Facing the Giants, but I think both spouses being willing to fight that hard and go the distance and bring Christ into their wounds is vital. It is a dangerous starting point if we put all the responsibility on one spouse over the other.
I work with many, many guys who have very legalistic and shaming wives. They desperately want their wives to understand their hearts and they desperately want to pursue their wives. All too often the wives are complaining that their husbands aren't pursuing them and I try to help them see the wounded little boy who is reminded of his shortcomings every time they are around them. They want to pursue, but frankly find that it is too painful because of the shame and criticism.
My encouragement to those men is to pursue anyway and take the pain to God, but also trusting that God has the wife on a path where she ultimately sees her "stuff" on the same plane as her husbands "stuff".