I really should wait and save this for a Testimony Tuesday post because it's definitely a testimony of the journey that Michael and I are on. I can't though. It's so precious to my heart that I need to share it with you right now.
If you're familiar with our story, you'll know that, in our bad days, Michael would constantly accuse me of infidelity. It didn't matter who, what, where or when. One of the people he accused me of this with was someone very dear to my heart and who, along with his wife, had played a pivotal role in my life after Jeff died. During my third separation from Michael, I shared this with this person and his wife; we were all broken hearted about it. Since then, I've never felt able to partake of the closeness of heart that we all used to share.
It's been a heavy burden on my heart for a long time.
Fast forward to today. Michael and I have a completely different relationship and marriage than we did three years ago and much healing has taken place. And it still is. We're going to be holding our first Marriage Intensive next month and something we decided to do to get the word out was to send out a letter of introduction letting people know about our ministry and our desire to help out other couples.
One of the people we contacted was my friend that I mentioned above. I'll tell you, I was very apprehensive about this. In addition to sending a letter, Michael sent him and his wife an email. In it, he owned what he'd done in the past, sincerely apologized and asked their forgiveness. When I read it, I broke and started crying. I hugged him and thanked him and kissed him and told him that I'd been carrying this burden around for so long. He hugged me and apologized and cried with me. It meant so much to me.
I feel so much lighter now. Safer too. I continue to be amazed at how our marriage has evolved over the last few years; that we've come from a place of utter despair to one of ministering to others and asking them to take a look at hope....try it on for size....to be willing to let it out or take it in as the case may be. I love Michael deeply. I'm blessed that Michael continues to bring healing to my heart and I love God for knowing what I've always wanted to be....
A woman at rest.
I recently contacted you and friended you on facebook. I can't believe you are still married after all that. I wish my spouse would apologies, i'm in dought. I pray everyday for my husband. It doesn't work, and I often feel I've wasted my youth, & beauty, & being alone will guarantee freedom from a painful marriage.
ReplyDeleteI can relate, since I am never sincerly apologized to nothing ever heals. When he is angry and repeatedly strips all my self worth away over trivial things I feel hatred I feel like I want to be gone from this world to make the misery stop. He must hate me, to refuse to apologize to your own wife because u feel justified. I pray everyday God convicts his heart in the amount of pain he has caused me. When I gave up for forcing an apology because they were fake anyway now he let's things go forever, never apologizing. I'm not worth it to him, even though I have stuck by him all these years had two children and neglected my career dreams because I followed him at every job location. Now I am old no physical beauty, used up, washed up, and worthless. Ruined. I made a horrible choice that I regret but can not take back can not change that I married someone I thought loved me, but dead on refuses to do what will help me feel valuable treasured nurtured. I hate my life I hate myself and no choice seems better than running away and quiteing. After all my husband stubborness shows he quite on me years ago. I married for love and got hate. Trapped, cursed, despised, always wrong. That's the story of my life. Sincerly, the sad scape goat.
ReplyDelete