Most of us can look back over our childhoods and pick out one defining moment ~ intentional or not ~ when we were wounded by our parents or a parental figure. An excuse instead of an apology, absence from an important event, the threat of abandonment, divorce, abuse...name your poison.
Mine was being sexually abused by my grandfather.
Michael's was watching his dad beat his mom.
Yours may not be as overt as ours. We recently spoke with a man whose eldest son is getting ready to graduate from college and, up until now, he wasn't going to go to the graduation. There are lots of reasons that all sound good but deepthat his dad hadn't ever shown up for him; and not just for his own graduation er discussion revealed either. He hadn't shown up for anything. Ever. He was there but not there.
In the same way of most of us, this man (husband, father) had relegated his own hurt to happenstance; a characteristic of his father that just was. Yet here he is repeating the history of a pattern set down by his own father; leaving his wife to make excuses, his son with an open wound and his two other children wondering if dad will show up for them.
Old man, look at my life. I'm a lot like you were...
The more we talk with people and the more we look at our own lives, Michael and I become more firmly entrenched in a belief that the enemy only trifles with us now. His most vicious and damaging work was done when we were children. It was easier for him then; no checks and balances necessary with innocence. no history for kids to compare to. only blind trust.
This is where the sins of the father (or mother) take root and get passed down.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.
Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.
I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
I am continually blessed by your honesty and vulnerability. I have been thinking about this topic a lot... and I find hope in knowing that the old, tired and hurtful patterns that haven't been working in my life do not have to be passed down to my children. I am learning a better way. And you have been such an important part of that learning process for me. Thank you.
ReplyDelete