The Ignored Wife

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Proverbs 13:12

I received a message today from a wife whose husband ignores her; in some ways subtly and in other ways, not so subtle. She felt bad for even bringing it up because she thought that her marriage problem was the least of those we hear about on a regular basis. Nothing could be further from the truth~ we hear this a lot!

Understand this ~ a wife who is ignored by her husband (sexually, emotionally, verbally, etc.) is bled drop by drop over time; it’s a slow death that sneaks up on her until there comes a point where she can’t take it any longer and her heart becomes sick; her will, feelings and intellect get sick. Since most men can’t handle seeing their wives like this and are clueless about the role they’ve played in them getting this way; they become angry and push them further away, increasing her feeling of being ignored.

This, my friends, is how a husband becomes responsible for pushing his wife into an emotional affair and/or physical affair. Now, before you get up in arms and send us a judgmental email or leave a similar comment on this post, We’d like to ask that you put yourself in a mental attitude of consideration. If you’ve seen the movie, FIREPROOF, you’ll have a better understanding because the very thing I’m speaking of happened in that movie. You might say, “yes, but he wasn’t a Christian husband (which he did later become) and a Christian husband wouldn’t do that, nor would a Christian wife behave in that manner.” Let us tell you that Christianity has nothing to do with it ~ a neglected, emotionally abused wife is ripe for the plucking to any “rescuer” who comes her way. Why? Because he listens, sympathizes, validates her, compliments her, maybe starts taking her to lunch or giving her small gifts….all the things she needs from her husband that he should have been doing for her but wasn’t.

“Your desire shall be for your husband.” Genesis 3:16

“When the desire comes it is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

“God has given a wife a desire for a loving relationship with her husband. It’s a longing, a reaching out after, a powerful emotion that moves a woman to pursue a genuine, heart-to-heart relationship with her man.” (Joel & Kathy Davisson)

When a woman says ‘Yes!’ to a marriage proposal, she’s agreeing to join her life to the man who has been positively pursuing her, talking with her, spending time with her, complimenting her, smiling at her every time he sees her, supporting her dreams, sharing her hopes. She never would have agreed if she’d known that her future husband would eventually stop romancing her, start spending more and more time away from her and the children, become a workaholic, not help her raise the children, start looking at porn, self gratifying, start taking second looks at other women, criticize and blame her for their problems ~ problems that he initiated.

Husbands, if you’re marriage isn’t going the way you’d like it to, begin looking at what you’re initiating into the relationship. God has created a woman to be a responder and, as such, your wife will mirror back what you’re bringing to the table.

Wives, you and I both know that we can’t force our husbands to change but there are some things that can help such as telling him what you need from him, giving him ideas of things you’d like him to do in the relationship that he’s overlooking, acknowledging the good that he does (men love to be praised), and speaking to him clearly, directly and calmly.

I hope that we’ve shed some light on this subject and that some scales have fallen off reading eyes. Michael and I offer our continued support as we are both on this road with you and we can honestly tell you that we will never go back to the way it was. Why would we?