6.27.2010

Good Orgasm Bad Marriage


Michael and I had lots of sex in our bad days. Lots of great sex actually which was about the only good thing between us that we could lay claim to back then. We thought sex = love and love = sex.

With all the craziness we experienced together back then and both of us feeling so out of control, we resorted to sex as a way to solve our problems, when in reality we were only burying the issues under a false sense of closeness. Those times we joined together in sexual intimacy we relieved our relational pain (without solving it) and made ourselves (and each other) feel good knowing that when the high wore off, we'd be right back to where we'd started. We were a product of our collective emotional arrestedness that said, "I'm only okay (loved, accepted, valued, etc.)/the relationship is in tact if Michael/Annalea has sex with me.

So....good orgasms; ├╝ber bad marriage.

I (Michael) thought - like many husbands - that if my wife would have sex with me whenever I wanted her to and however I wanted her to then our marriage would be fine. I'd be accepted by her, my need to feel like a man would be fulfilled and SHAZAAM! I'd get the wife I wanted....and somehow, I'd get this marriage thing right.

The opposite happened. Annalea did give me sex whenever I wanted, the problem was that I wanted it during times that I'd been verbally and/or emotionally abusive towards her (to assuage my insecurities) so all her having sex with me did was reinforce my bad behavior towards her and I didn't change into the man she needed me to be nor did I get the wife that I needed and wanted.

My thoughts and arguments weren't only flawed, they weren't scriptural. If Annalea gives me sex, then things will be fine, great, whatever. So not true! I discovered that the way to a great and happy marriage was to choose first to treat Annalea with a Christ-like love. Then as I stayed obedient to the Lord, trusting Him and trusting that Annalea would respond positively toward me as I chose to treat her the way God called me to, our marriage did turn around. This was (and continues to be) nothing short of a miracle.

Annalea and I both grew up in broken homes so neither of us saw our parents in a happy, whole marriage. Instead we became the products of infidelity, alcoholism, divorce, physical abuse, control, sexual molestation, drug use, promiscuity; perhaps some of the things that you yourself experienced growing up. For us to be happily married is a first in who knows how many generations in our respective families.

It's our heart's desire that you experience this kind of transformation in your own marriage. Seriously, if we can do it....You Can Do It Too!

6.21.2010

Happy Father's Day!



So yesterday was Father's Day for all the dads out there and it was a nice relaxing time for Michael at our house. Breakfast in bed, cards from the kids, games, watching movies, lunch in bed and steaks on the grill for dinner. We (the kids and I) are so blessed that Michael is such an amazing dad, especially now that he's an incredible husband!

More often than not, we hear of (Christian) husbands who leave the raising of their children to their wife or who are very involved in their childrens' lives but who are abusive to their wives. How sad is that? Being the kind of husband God calls a man to be isn't just a blessing to the wife, it's a blessing to the children as well; it makes them feel safe and gives them hope that they will one day have a happy marriage and family.

Amen and amen!



6.16.2010

The Man I Want to Be

Annalea came home last night telling me about a song she'd heard on the radio while driving home. She didn't know what it was called or who sang it but she was really excited because she said the words were just like the message of this ministry.

After a little searching around on the internet, she found out that the song was called The Man I Want to Be by Chris Young. She shared the lyrics and video with me tonight and all I can say is that if I were to write a poem or the lyrics to a song of the changes that have been occurring within me over these last three years I wouldn't describe it any differently than Mr. Young has.

The cry of my heart has always been to be the man that God has called me to be. It's my hope that every Christian husband and father fully embrace this journey of real Christian manhood and husbandry; to be the man that he truly wants to be.





The Man I Want to Be, Chris Young



God, I'm down here on my knees
Cause its the last place left to fall
Beggin for another chance
If theres any chance at all
That you might still be listenin
Lovin and forgivin guys like me
Ive spent my whole life gettin it all wrong
And I sure could use your help cause from now on

I wanna be a good man
A do like I should man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

There's anyway for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cuz it going to take a miracle
After all Ive done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a great man
I wanna be the kind of man that she shes in her dreams
God, I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God, I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well, I know this late at night that talk is cheap
Lord, don't give up on me

I wanna be a givin man
I wanna really start livin man
God, I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

6.09.2010

Wedded Bliss

Our Testimony Tuesday video may be a day late but it's definitely not short on a great message - that of Wedded Bliss! We actually filmed it last Thursday (hence, the first night reference to the Laker/Celtic game!) at a wedding that we went to and felt it was the perfect place to look back and reflect on where we were when we first married and where we are now, 6 years later and 3 years into our marriage restoration.

Solid As A Rock!

You can be too!






SOLID AS A ROCK by Ashford and Simpson (oh yeah....)

And for love's sake, each mistake, ah, you forgave
And soon both of us learned to trust
Not run away, it was no time to play
We build it up and build it up and build it up

And now it's solid
Solid as a rock
That's what this love is
That's what we've got, oh, mmm...

Solid
Solid as a rock
And nothing's changed it
The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot

You didn't turn away
When the sky went gray
Somehow we managed
We had to stick together

You didn't bat an eye
When I made you cry
We knew down the line
We would make it better

And for love's sake, each mistake, ah, you forgave
And soon both of us learned to trust
Not run away, it was no time to play
We build it up and build it up and build it up

Now it's solid
Solid as a rock [Ooh]
That's what this love is
That's what we've got

Solid
Solid as a rock
And nothing's changed it
The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot

And with that feeling we were willing to take a chance
So against all odds, we made a start
We got serious (Ooh), this wouldn't turn to dust
We build it up and build it up and build it up

And now it's solid
Solid as a rock
That's what this love is
That's what we've got!

6.05.2010

Wedding Pic & Lots of S.E.X.!


A few days ago, Michael and I went to the wedding of my best friend's little sister. It's hard to believe that the little 7-year-old girl I met 20 years ago is now a new bride and starting a life with a new husband by her side.

When it came time for the vows, they each said something to one another that I thought was really amazing, "I take you, as a gift from the hand of God..." Isn't that wonderful and isn't that what God intended our spouse to be for us? A gift from His hand. It sure didn't feel like that in our bad days - it was more like a curse for how bad it was. Not a curse from God but a seriously cursed marriage.

We are so wonderfully far from that now that it's almost impossible to recall those old feelings which is definitely something that's become a welcome change for us both. And so here we are ~ as you can see from the picture above ~ happy and close and in love and.....better.

Whole.

Stable.

Solid.

Together.

ONE!

And guess what? Starting today, we're taking part in the Seven Days of Sex Challenge from ONE Extraordinary Marriage. It's not too late if you want to sign up today and you and your spouse can take part in making love for 7 days in a row! We've been happily chatting about it since last week and we already have a 3 day head start (that will be 10 days for us!)!

Hee! Hee!

Have fun and leave us a message letting us know if you've signed up.

Be blessed!

6.04.2010

Shocking Stats on Internet Porn

The Stats on Internet Pornography
Via: Online MBA

6.01.2010

And The Two Shall Become One Flesh


I used to think that becoming 'one flesh' just applied to the sexual aspect of marriage and while that's part of it, Michael and I are learning that it's really SO much more! Today we talk about what that looks like for us and what it can look like for you too!

Remember to join us this evening for our weekly marriage ministry call at 7pm (pst)!

Be blessed!