First off, our apologies for their being no video to accompany this post. Our newer, faster computer decided to succumb to a deadly virus and this one that I'm typing on can't seem to find our web cam so....you'll just have to imagine our faces as you read (smile).
Continuing on with how to demolish arguments in your marriage, I (Annalea) want to tell you of something I experienced with Michael a couple of weeks ago. Let me preface this by saying that in the two and a half years that we've been living this out, Michael has brought A LOT of healing to my heart and our marriage is worlds different than it was and SO much better. There are times, though, when old wounds surface and adjustments need to be made.
So it was that this very thing happened twice in the same day. In a nutshell, Michael made repeated assertions about things he thought I knew (someone's name) and experienced (a particular diet) when, in reality, I didn't and hadn't. What this did for me was to bring up old wounds from our bad days when he thought I was in adultery and would repeatedly claim that I was despite my answers to the contrary. Wow, I can't tell you how quickly I went there.
I (Michael) remember that day. I was asked by my lovely wife if I had noticed a neighbor's weight loss. I replied by saying "You mean George?", to which Annalea replied, "Oh, is that his name?". I pressed a few more times. "You know his name. George". Again she asserted each time that she didn't. At this point I could see in her expression that I hit a nerve so I dropped it. Later that same day I was speaking with my daughter on the phone and the subject of the South Beach Diet came up and I had a memory of Annalea trying that diet so I asked her about it and she told me that she had never tried it. Again I asked if she was sure about that and again she asserted that she hadn't; repeat of our earlier discussion.
Now, the old me would have had to be right and press the point that my memory was correct and Annlea's wasn't. During our bad years this would turn into a full blown argument with me raising my voice and pressing my point until Annalea, tearful and emotionally beaten down, gave up trying to convice me or gave in to my demands.
The difference a few weeks ago was that I was able to recognize that I had hurt Annalea's heart when I questioned her memory and integrity. Instead of arguing with her, I mentioned that I'd noticed how upset she'd become at those two times during the day. I apologized for hurting her and asked if it would bless her if I asked her about something in her life rather than assume it.
Michael has grown tremendously in the last couple of years as a man, a husband and a son of God and I (Annalea) am ever amazed when I experience something from him that personifies this growth. Because of the initiative he took to bring resolution to a situation that could have caused further wounding in both of us, I was validated as his wife and as a woman. He was my hero and our marriage was further restored.
This is how arguments get demolished; a husband goes first by laying down his life (ego, pride, self, etc.) for his wife and loving (ministering, blessing, serving) her as Christ loved the church. He puts her needs and her heart above his own.
Remember, if we can do it....You Can Do It Too!
It doesn't matter what your background is, what your childhood was like, if your marriage is okay or if it's in complete breakdown. It CAN BE Outrageously Happy!
We'd love to welcome you on our weekly marriage ministry calls. Join us tonight at 7pm (pst) to get some help for your marriage, get strengthend and validated. 512-716-6531 access code 981128# If you don't feel comfortable speaking up, it's perfectly fine to just mute out your phone (just press *6 or the mute button on your phone) and listen in. Remember, we're not licensed counselors, we just have hearts for marriages and it's our prayer that our experience will, in some way, bless yours.
Michael and Annalea